That's a Wrap!

Welcome to the fourth and final post from our Haitian relief dinner. We previously served up Picklese, Chicken in Sauce and Accra...all three of which received rave reviews from the guests at our 'Tarty.' See, they're smiling...

Now it's time to bring you the other recipes that, like Toyota's gas pedals, really should have been perfected before delivering to the public. (It's not you Haiti, it's us.)

First up...

Diri Et Pois Coles

(Red Beans and Rice)

We know what you're thinking...how do you screw up red beans and rice? Where there's a Tart, there's a way. Perhaps it was leaving out the pork for our vegetarian friend or the fact that we neglected this dish while preparing the chicken; either way it was as bland as my first boyfriend.

Fried Plantains

This dish calls for very ripe plantains. Ripe plantains should be very brown on the outside. Notice ours are bright yellow...uh huh.

We shifted gears, choosing a Puerto Rican style known as Platanutres (Plantain chips). After frying...

...you cover with a paper towel and flatten with a glass. Then sprinkle with sea salt and...say a prayer.

Ours was not answered.

But thank goodness for the greens, which are Tart-proof.

Danielle's Greens

You can use any green...mustard, chard, kale, collard...we used a mix of fresh ones from Danielle's CSA box.

Wash and trim the stems from your greens, dry and then slice. Pour one Tbsp of water and one Tbsp of olive oil in a large pot. Add greens. On top of greens, place 1/2 onion, sliced or chopped and two cloves of garlic, sliced or minced. Sprinkle with kosher salt and a dash of red pepper flakes. Cover and heat on medium-low. When the greens have begun to wilt (the volume should decrease by half), grab tongs and begin turning while cooking for another minute or so. Then remove from heat and salt to taste. A squeeze of lemon is optional.

We like our greens a bit crispy, so we remove them from heat before they wilt too much. The total cooking time is around 5 minutes. If you like yours softer, cook a bit longer, adding more oil or water if needed.

These are yummy!!!!

Next up was this little mystery...

Llabouyi Bannann

(Plantain Purée)

Delicious flavor, however, we were expecting something more like mashed plantains. This resembled a dessert-y soup or as Erin likes to refer to it...

"WTF?"

We followed up with yet another enigma...

Pain Patate

(Sweet Potato Bread)

Are you thinking what we're thinking? Blech. What's a Tart to do? In a moment of panic, we ladled the 'WTF?' over the bread and slammed it with a dollop o' whipped cream!

Let's see what Shane thinks...

"I don't know about this, guys."

And Ryan, our photographer...

"I want to shoot it. Not eat it."

Well, surely there's someone who will eat it...

"Nicoya! Come and get it!"

Ouch. That hurts.

Well, it was equal parts "OMG!"/"WTF?", but nonetheless, it was a great night. Our stomachs were stuffed and our hearts were full as we raised almost $500 for The World Food Program's Haitian relief effort. Thanks everybody!

And with the oven off, we can sit back, relax and have a glass of goodness...

well, not we. One of us is preggers.

"This is so not fair."